HI HONEY, I’M HOME!
The
following are actual tips to women from a 1950’s home economics book. They answer that now irrelevant question,
“What to do when your husband comes home?”
Each tip is followed by a sensitive comment from my very own panel of
feminists.
1. Clear
away the clutter. Make one last trip
through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering
up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc.
You don’t like clutter?
When did that happen? In college
you changed apartments every time one filled up with junk. I remember you said it was easier than
cleaning.
2. Have
dinner ready: Plan ahead to have a delicious meal - - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you are
concerned about his needs.
Whether dinner is ready will depend on whether after picking
up the kids from day care she had time to hit the drive through at KFC. What he needs is a better job.
3. Prepare
yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he
arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a
ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.
His boring day may need a lift.
Unfortunately her day wasn’t boring at all. His idea of freshening up is to walk into the
house without a cigarette in his mouth and put on a clean tee shirt.
4. Prepare
the children: take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they
are small, comb their hair. They are
little treasures.
They’re little treasures if you only see them 15 minutes a
day. Spend twelve hours chasing them and
the little treasures become little terrors.
5. Minimize
the noise: At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of washer, dryer,
dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage
the children to be quiet. Be happy to
see him.
Be happy to hear the washing machine going. It means that you will have clean underwear
tomorrow. The only way to get the kids
to be quiet is to send them somewhere else, preferably out of state.
6. Make
him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he
lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or
warm drink ready for him. Arrange his
pillow and offer to take off his shoes.
When he can’t take off his own shoes I’m sending him to a
home. I’m the one who needs to relax. He can find the cold beer without my help.
7. Listen
to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival
is not the time. Let him talk first.
He can talk first and last if he wants. I just can’t hear him over the kids, dog and television.
8. Make
the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to
other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain
and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
If I didn’t complain he would never take me out to
dinner. His idea of a big night out is
the special at Captain D’s.
9. The
goal: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can
relax.
Let him relax at work like everybody else.
I wish to thank this thoughtful and insightful group of feminists for their time and contribution.
